Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
