2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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