I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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