Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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