Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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