I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's blow job season.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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