New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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