Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
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Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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