I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
