My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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