Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
