BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
