I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
