Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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