There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
