I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
