I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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