Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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