Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
