So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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