Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
