i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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