he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids