she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
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STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...