I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?