I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.