Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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