Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,