Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
