roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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