You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
