got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
