I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
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Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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