just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
