I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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