any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
