When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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