about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
