drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
