bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she told me i tasted like america
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
