is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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