My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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