You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
