what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
