if i can run in heels then i can drive
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
