We won't sleep together?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
