one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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