I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
