doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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