kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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