i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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