butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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