I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
