Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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