So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
