im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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