Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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