how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
