Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
